Before cancer, I cooked quite a bit and I dabbled in baking. Most meals were utilitarian, a means of getting everyone fed and watered while covering the basic food groups and nutrients. Several years ago, making homemade pizza became a family tradition on Friday evenings. The week’s frantic pace would slow down while the dough was rising, hubby and I could enjoy a drink while the kids played, and everyone could top their own pie when it was time to eat. Sometimes we would entertain friends or extended family and sometimes it would just be the four of us on pizza night.
When I was diagnosed with cancer and entered chemotherapy, everything changed. Our routine was disrupted by treatment and there were foods that I couldn’t eat. I was exhausted and didn’t have the stamina to cook. We relied on others to cook for us or we ate takeout meals. I had to travel for chemotherapy and traveling resulted in yet more restaurants and takeout meals.
Near the end of chemotherapy, I developed severe peripheral neuropathy in my legs and hands. Neuropathy is a common side effect of chemotherapy that is experienced by 20-80% of chemo patients. Symptoms of chemotherapy-induced neuropathy are pain, numbness and weakness in the hands, feet and legs. For many people, the symptoms worsen after chemotherapy has finished. From the last month of chemo and for several months afterward, I was severely disabled by my neuropathy, hardly able to walk or stand for more than a few hours per day. My symptoms impaired my ability to do many activities of daily living, including cooking.
When my neuropathy was at its worst, I grieved for what I could not do. My heart ached to cook for my family. I missed being able to stand at the kitchen counter and prep more than a small amount of food at a time. I missed cooking for gatherings – even small ones – at our home. Prior to my cancer treatment, chemotherapy and my subsequent experience with peripheral neuropathy, our family had connected around meals and cooking, as many families do, and I was no longer able to create this.
My experience with disability, and my grief over it, is not unique. Cancer and its treatment take many things from us. Sometimes we regain our health, partially or fully, and sometimes we don’t. Either way, I believe that we can find a way forward from a point of illness and disability, usually by choosing a new path or by finding a new way of doing things. When we do this, we can begin to create new happiness and contentment alongside the grieving over lost parts of ourselves.
What’s happening in the kitchen now? The best news is that pizza night has been revived!
I still have neuropathy, but it’s improved. I’m somewhat limited in how long I can stand, so I have a few stools in the kitchen so that I can take breaks. Frequently, I stir and sauté while sitting down and I’ve taught my boys to chop vegetables. The only task that must be done while standing is rolling out the pizza crust! With modifications such as these, I am starting to cook again – and this is good for me and for our family.
Cooking isn’t for everyone, but in case you’re curious about it I’ve included my Pizza Dough recipe below. As a bonus, this pizza dough can be made into sticky buns as well. Roll out the dough into a long rectangle and smear with butter or plant-based spread, followed by a generous rub with cinnamon and sugar. Roll up the dough into a log and cut into wheels. Bake at 325 for 12 minutes and you’ve got a slightly sweet dessert.
For all of you searching for your way forward through cancer or other disabilities, may you find your path and enjoy some pizza and sticky buns along the way!
Doc Z’s Pizza Dough
Makes 4, 12-inch pizza crusts
Add to bottom of bread machine:
Water, 1 ½ cups
Olive oil, 2 Tbs
Salt, ¾ tsp
Sugar, 1 tsp
Combine in a bowl first, then add to bread machine:
Bread flour, 2 ½ cups
Whole wheat flour, 1 ½ cups
Vital gluten, 1 ½ tsp
Make a depression in the flour mound and add:
Active dry yeast, 2 tsp
*do not allow salt and yeast to contact one another prior to starting the machine
Set the bread machine to “Dough” cycle and start the cycle.
Scrape the sides down with a spatula during the first mixing stage, and if necessary add more water, one teaspoon at a time, so that ingredients are just combined.
Once the dough is ready, divide into four balls and let rest, covered with a damp cloth for 15 minutes.
Roll out each dough ball on a lightly floured surface, using a rolling pin. Alternatively, pull and toss the dough out manually into 12-14 inch crusts.
Place onto greased pizza screens (if using a pizza stone) or nonstick pizza pans.
Top with preferred sauce and toppings.
Bake at 500 degrees for 7-8 minutes, removing pizza screens at 3 minutes (if using) and placing the pizza directly on the stone to finish baking.
